Poetic License

The despair lays over me, a heavy black cloak chafing me and clutching at my neck. Words came from me that I can’t take back, so I live with them. And I can’t live with them. I can’t live with me.

I have ways to do the job, to put me out of my misery and to take myself out of everyone else’s way. I’ve brought nothing but misery to the people I love. That’s impossible to endure.

For now I am keeping to myself until I know my son is on his feet. He will be better without me.

It has been a long time—over six years—since I felt the darkness, but it is so familiar. It is so heavy and warm. I never wanted to let it take me, but now that seems best.

I can see the god-light in you. I can no longer see it in me.

• Jude