Poetic License

But you can’t trace time.

Lots of things have changed for me in a month’s time. I’m growing tired, really, of talking about my health, but it has been the one thing that has been in my face for the last almost twenty years of my life. I can choose to ignore, or I can choose to change. My poor health is something that has stopped me from doing a lot of the things I want to do. Now, I realize that many people have it so much worse than I do. but I have to admit. I’m dealing with a lot.

Last January, as you might recall, I tried going completely vegetarian. After a couple of months, I had no energy and was feeling ill. So I gradually added some meat and eggs back into my diet. I chalked it up to not getting enough protein, which might have been part of it, but it wasn’t the whole picture.

Recently, I had a check up with my primary care NP. It had been maybe a year since I had my A1C checked. Last time, I was pre-diabetic, which I wasn’t too concerned about. That has come up time and again during checkups over the years. It always comes down again. My weight has fluctuated, but I was proud of staying within 10-15 pounds of where I ended up after the Big C. This year, though, I gained about 5 more pounds over the holidays. It showed on the scale at the doc’s office.

My NP came into the room and said, bluntly, “You’re diabetic.” I sank in the chair. Damn. That was unexpected. My A1C was 7.2. (In case you’re wondering, yes, I can learn to control it, but I will never again be not diabetic.)

This is all on the tail end of a bad case of RSV that turned into pneumonia. Being the stubborn woman I am, I tried to manage it myself and only did a virtual visit with an NP through my healthcare system. I felt lousy and didn’t want to go into the office. I should have. Steroids, inhalers, lots of fluids, rest, and cough drops got me through it, but I still have that lingering cough that will take awhile to go away. The big story, though, was the diabetes. And I had to ask myself if all those steroids I took during my cancer treatment had helped push me over the edge. Well, that and my sweet tooth.

So it’s time to change. My NP put a continuous glucose monitor on my arm, a 10-day trial version, and covered it with a (very) sticky patch of waterproof tape.

“Your insurance won’t pay for you to have one of these,” she said, “but this trial won’t cost you anything.”

Lucky me. The goal was for me to get an idea of what foods cause my blood sugar to rise or go into dangerous levels. It was eye-opening during that trial. At one point, my blood glucose went to 319. That was only one spike, but still, it gave me a shock. The funny thing is, that reading came immediately after a walk. My morning reading is consistently in the 140s. Sometimes my blood glucose goes into the low 100s, but that’s only just before dinner.

Since changing my diet over the last two weeks, including reducing my coffee intake to one cup and lowering the sugar even in that, I’ve noticed I’m feeling a lot better. I have more energy and stamina, can get through the day without a migraine, and have had less body pain. If I had known that sugar was the culprit for those things (and that is still just a theory at this point), I would have thrown it all out years ago. Next Christmas, people will just have to deal with the fact I’m not baking cookies and fudge. It has all been toxic for me.

There are other things I have to be careful of–not just sugar. I have had to cut the amount or type of rice I have as a side dish (goodbye burrito bowls) and limit starchy foods like breads and cereals. It’s okay to have some in my diet, but you would really be shocked to learn how many carbs are in most foods we eat. Grocery shopping took me a lot longer this week than the previous week. I mourned the loss of some of my favorite foods (cereal) but remembered the tenet I learned when I did Jenny Craig years ago: “Shop the walls!” I can have produce (except bananas), meat, and dairy (low sugar), but most items in the middle of the store (except for nuts, frozen or canned vegetables, some soups, and beans) are off limits. It’s a new way of eating, but just this little bit of relief from pain and fatigue is worth it. I’ll be really pleased if I can get to the point where I don’t need medication. But they’re going to start me on a med at the end of the month when I go back, until I can get a handle on this.

Meanwhile, throughout this, I’ve been working hard at my job. I can feel myself slowing down a little, though. I’m coming up on 63, and it doesn’t feel good most days. Every now and then, one of my team members says something about having to show an old person how to do something on the phone or computer, and that’s when I know they have no idea how old I am. There is something to be said for working remotely. My vision in my right eye is markedly worse, though, so I wonder when it is going to bring me to a halt.

For my personal writing, I can take my time or use dictation. For work, that’s just not possible. I have meetings all day Monday through Thursday, less so on Friday, and have to be “on” all the time.

Time has definitely changed me. Some ways are good. I’m happy and comfortable. I love my life. I have friends and get to see my son and his girlfriend at least once a week. I walk my sweet dog and enjoy warmer weather here. I’m looking forward to retirement (if Social Security isn’t taken away by the billionaires who just moved into Washington) and a simpler life. For now, though, I keep going, no matter what life throws my way.

Namaste,
Jude