Poetic License

Last Sunday’s local paper had these words above the fold on page one in large letters:

‘LOVE THE SINNER, HATE THE SIN’

To that, I say, “Love God, hate the church,” or something like that. I don’t hate the church. I have met some wonderful Christians. But I hate the dogma. This article was about a local Methodist church stepping away from their association with the United Methodist Church, which allows gay people to not only attend their churches but also to become ordained ministers. This church wants nothing to do with any of that, hence the headline.

I’m really tired of churches and their pithy sayings meant to speak to the lowest common denominator and control the masses with their ridiculous talking points. It’s an awful lot like the Republican Party’s methodology. (Hmm, wonder where they got that?)

They may feel any way they want to about me, but their sayings tend to make my existence less safe. If you loved the sinner (your word, not mine), you wouldn’t want my life to be in danger. Although I’m not currently in a relationship, I can tell you that I felt far more like a “sinner” while trying to maintain the appearance of being straight. I was living a lie. It was a lie I kept up for more than three decades, yet I couldn’t make it work. It was a disservice to myself and my husband. Finally, I left, telling him he deserved to have a “straight” woman for the rest of his life. He found and married a nice woman who is heterosexual, and he is much happier for it. She doesn’t need a stiff drink before they are intimate.

I have some recommended reading for those of you who might be conflicted about supporting your LGBTQIA+ friends, neighbors, and fellow churchgoers (because I have plenty of gay friends who attend church regularly):

• Stranger at the Gate: To Be Gay and Christian in America, Rev. Dr. Mel White
• Religion Gone Bad: The Hidden Dangers of the Christian Right, Rev. Dr. Mel White
• Holy Terror: Lies the Christian Right Tells Us to Deny Gay Equality, Rev Dr. Mel White
• Clobber the Passages: Seven Deadly Verses, Rev. Dr. Mel White
• Does Jesus Really Love Me? Jeff Chu

If you only read one, please make it Stranger at the Gate, the memoir published by Dr. Mel White in 1995. He was a ghost writer for some major players in the up and coming Religious Right as he tried to deny his own sexuality and hide deep within the closet. One story of a young man coming to him for guidance after having castrated himself is just heartbreaking.

What are all these people afraid of? If they think their own salvation is assured, why try to stomp all over someone else’s life? Do you think that endears you to God? Do you think he’s up there saying, “Yes, beat that kid to death. Encourage that one to castrate himself rather than allowing himself to love and be loved.”

It’s infuriating and sad. I do not feel that I have sinned by loving someone. It is more damaging and more of a tragedy to force yourself into a marriage with someone of the opposite sex with whom you cannot possibly share yourself fully.

Here in Shelby, I’m surrounded by Baptist churches, and not from the Association of Welcoming and Affirming Baptist group, who welcome and truly bless all people. One of their churches was the only Baptist church I’ve attended as an adult. The Baptist church, as I’ve said previously, damaged me in ways I don’t care to go into with you in detail. I’m lucky to be alive. Believe that.

I’ll leave you with this. God or the Great Spirit made me exactly as I am. If this spirit truly exists and is aware of me, that spirit loves me exactly as I am. Unconditionally. Since Christians are called to be like Jesus, why can’t they find it within themselves to understand that Jesus loved everyone and taught that this was the greatest commandment? Why is it that they pick and choose? Jesus also taught that you should give away all of your worldly belongings and follow him, yet plenty of rich and corrupt Christians exist.

I’m far happier now, whether in a relationship or not, to be out and no longer in that suffocating closet. I don’t force my ideas or reality on anyone else. You won’t see me on the front page of the paper saying, “Love God, hate the church.” I believe in live and let live. I believe in love. I believe in me.

Peace, Jude

Disclaimer: I do not hate Christians. I have a lovely neighbor who is a Baptist and who shows love and compassion to me and others like me. Her father, likewise, is kind and wonderful. They are the kind of people who emulate the savior they have pledged their allegiance to. I just want me and others like me to be able to live safe, happy, and fulfilled lives without torment. Lord, hear our prayer.